Oh my where have I been? I started my online classes for BC3 last week and man are they time consuming! But still better than going to the actual college and then coming home for the homework. I am finding it challenging to work on them with the kids as parts of the exams are graded timed and once started you are not allowed to stop. But my original plan of working at night is flying out the window because I am just too tired after a day and can't concentrate. Oh well it is getting done and I am really enjoying it.
I really WANT to learn the things I am studying. The only frustration comes when I miss something because I so badly want to do well. I think it is challenging with online classes because if I was in the room taking the exams I could raise my hand or go up and ask if I misunderstand something. That is not the case with online classes. And once you hit that submit button you are just praying you did it correct.
I have to say it is making me rather happy though. It feels good thinking about what I am learning. Makes me feel a little less floundering in the world of the unknown. It can be pretty scary when you only income is relying on a man to claim he is disabled when I do not believe for an ounce of me that he is. And thinking any day he could get bored with his facade and decide to stop. Then I am left with nothing.
I needed to have this past year to wait on God and heal though. Everyone wanted me to run out and grab a job the day I left Justin. I am sorry if it seems selfish but I homeschool 3 little kids and my world was thrown upside down. Running out and asking to work at Burger King or MK Express again was not an option!
But now I have a game plan. Something to feel good about. And I am thankful God directed me the way he did. I started thinking of college with a blank stare crying in prayer saying God I have no direction. I do not even have a desire. My life plans were to be a wife and mother and the best homeschool mom I could be. And here I was with a big hole in my map.
I knew a few things. What I DID NOT want to be. No nursing, no teaching, no child care. But no clue what I did want to be. Compassion jobs are just not my thing. I have tons of compassion and grace but when I think you are playing the system, not a nice person, or taking advantage I want to smack you and not deal with you! ... not the best attitude for compassion jobs.
But I have found my direction. I hope I do well. I know I enjoy and WANT to do well. And even if I never get a dream job in the field the knowledge of computers will help my friends and family and myself greatly. So I think it is a win win!