A super long post about caring what others think about me... so you know what? I don't care if you think it is too long! So there!

This is a ramble post... Just one of those feeling how I am feeling and way too long for a Facebook Status update.

I am having one of those nights where I am feeling like I will never measure up and then trying to decide if I even want to. Not sure if I am sad about things or content. So here I am to blog it.
And then that brings me to my blog. I am not a super awesome with words type of girl. I do not demand an audience with every letter typed. Is anything I say interesting to anyone? Probably not.
But I blog anyways because it makes me feel good. :0) And then I get tons of email spam in my inbox alerting me to the fun hackers/spammers hope to gain from commenting links on my page. Gives them something to keep busy I guess.

But anyways... here I am. 33 years old. Trying to find my place as women attracting someone and single mom of three. And I find myself continually beating myself up for who I am. Watching other people as their lives scream - awesome - adventurous - you want to be with this girl. And mine screams - pick up the Nintendo Controllers, Sweep the pine needles from the kitchen and clean the tub ring from the showers so if someone looks in they don't think I bathed a pig in there and left it for show.

I do not trot the globe going to all kinds of exciting adventures. Nope, I am here. In my own little world because one - my kids are here. Tied for years to this place as result of having another parent who might not be so excited if I swoop his kids off and away. Then there is the little thing called $ that makes it not even an option. So oh you have never been ... anywhere? yep. Not since I have been an adult. My life pre marriage was pretty exciting. I have been to Poland/Germany, Panama multiple times, always beach vacations... then I grew up. ... And Erie PA has become once again an exciting outing. 3 hour car ride - a vacation!

Then lets talk about my cultural experience. What? Wreck it Ralph is not a classic movie? The Steakhouse that still allows us to throw peanuts on the floor is my ideal restaurant because one, I love the food... but two - my kids can scream all they want and no one notices.

But... the truth is... I do not want to be... I am me. I will slop something on my shirt. Heck my kids think fine linen is when I have on a nice shirt that they wipe their mouths on. Even without my kids - I am out of my element when I can't tell what I am ordering on the menu. And it makes me nervous to be so far outta my comfort zone. Sure I like new things... but reality is I am so happy at being out that I do not want to waste it not not liking something. The experience is not something I get every day and to be disappointed is not the outcome I am willing to shoot for. Not to mention my taste palette stopped developing at 12.

I am so thankful for technology. I hate when people use big words and movie or book quotes to talk. Truth is - I have no clue what you are saying. If it wasn't for google on my phone I could not join in half the conversations I try to engage in. I have not heard that line, I do not know what you are talking about and you lost me. Not impressed at how stupid I feel and it better be worth the time to look it up.

My favorite moments come when I am surrounded by my friends. As kids yell and act all silly crazy, run up and slug you, laugh and run away. As we try to engage in adult conversations, broken by pauses to get Captain America down from the fourth limb up (good throw!).

Where once our hot tub was turned up to a scalding temp - we enjoy a warm bath water feel because our fun is invaded by little swimming crazies who want to join us. Sexy fun? HA. No way. But loving every second and seeing the excitement of getting to hot tub with the adults.
Camping Bonfires are more centered around smores and making sure no one steals all the chocolate and helping rotate the odd shaped marshmallows.
Card nights  are interrupted by can I help you play that hand? please teach me to play! ... and we do. Stop playing 500 bid and lets get out the Apples to Apples... and its ok.

I wonder if I should try harder... Sometimes I feel like the excitement I get from working at the kids Cafeteria is crazy and juvenile.  Why don't I want to finish my degree of Computers and strive in the corp. world making $$$$$? I know I should. But I adore going to the school, making the lunch room inviting and smiling at each kid asking them if they want apple sauce, peaches or pears. I love smiling at the kids and seeing how happy they are at PCA. And I know that I do not care about a computer, I care about those kids. And helping them open their juice pop. ... but I struggle because it doesn't feel like I am striving to be who the world says I should be.

And I facebook. About my silly days. What ketchup we like best. Our trip creek stomping and soaking ourselves in a waterfall. Burning two dollar snakes and snapping snaps and having a perfect evening with it. Nothing exciting but completely awesome to me.

But I feel the weight of it all... when I look out and think about wanting to be known for me. I am more than Disney Channel and Macaroni an Cheese. I do have a mind and it is full of thoughts and opinions.  I love to debate. I like to know what is going on in the world - just don't always have the chance to if I am not filled in. Because my life moves so fast, even when it is stalled with sick kids keeping us cooped up. The demands are heavy. More than I can bear at sometimes. But to the outside... seems so ... nothing.

I don't have a history of good music. I don't experiment with breaking rules so my experience with anything makes me seem naive and clueless. I am the one who chose to use her paycheck on my car and savings instead of smoking and had AMAZING friends who wouldn't let me anyways. I think it was because they wanted me to cover drive thru while they went for a smoke but they claim it is because they cared about me...

So I struggle... I LOVE ME. I love my life. I like my childish ways. I love swinging on swings. I love drawing and jumping on trampolines. I love watching fantasy movies. I like singing teenage songs with clean lyrics that make me happy not feel like death. I adore rodeos and walks in the woods. I like going to a place I can get a milkshake and set traditions around mint ones.

The thought of going to a play or place of class freaks me out. I do not shop just to shop because it is not something I can do and it does not make me happy to feel like I am outta place. I just would rather not go.

If you want me to come up with ideas of fun... my mind goes to roller skating and kayaking. If I have to dress up I want to cry. Not because I do not like it. Because I have nothing to wear. I am a mom remember. If I did have something nice - I wore it and it is not grease stained or shrunk. And my body can't handle class either. I am stuck in that odd spot where I want to be 20 forever and that is my style... but my body is old and I can't (never could) but to wear what works for me - I feel twice my age and just depresses me more. So I would rather stay in my camo pants and batman tshirt and stay home. I want my gorilla glued combat boots and you can take these heels and go out with someone else.

I am shy around new people. I love to entertain my friends and welcome them to my home. I love to crash their places too... but the ones I am crashing... ask me how long I have known them. 16 years... So if you want to come crash my place - please do. But if you mention the fingermarks on my wall or pee on the seat I have yet to see because I have 3 bathrooms and do not spend every second of my life following my boys in there. But I do get it after they zonk out for the night. So if you want to see my house good - come at bedtime. or first thing in the morning. After that - just don't come if you are faint of heart.

I struggle... do I even want to let people in my world? Letting people in means displaying yourself and holding your breath to see if you are good enough. And facing reality that for most of the people you do - the answer will be - sorry. Not what we are looking for. And that is raw. As raw as it can get. The outcome could be awesome.. but the odds are not good. And the more time and experience that comes... the more I wonder... is it even worth it. Because I like me. And each time I figure out that someone doesn't it makes me question my worth.

So that's how I am feeling tonight as I go to bed. I am not depressed and sad about me. I love me. I think I am super awesome. It's just what goes through my mind... all the time. All the time.

Merry Christmas - My blessings.

Totally Blessed... That is how I am feeling today.
As I sit here - updating pictures on my blog and thinking about what I want to write.

Life this past year has sure been a roller coaster for me. Ups and downs with my emotions and feeling secure or not. But one thing has been steady and that is Jesus Christ. He is always my rock that we lean on as a family. Without him I could have never made it through.

Then there are my friends. I have come a long way with finding out who my true friends are these past few years. And my heart still over flows with pride when I look around and see who has been tried and true. I hope I can be as good a friend to them when they need it.

And then there is my family. I have lived many years of my life feeling bad because I was so blessed. People had made me feel bad out of jealousy. But life is too short. We all have our problems. I thank Jesus that a good family is not something I take for granted but am completely blessed by. Thank you to my parents, my brothers, my aunts and uncles, cousins, grandma and more.

I am also thankful that when we are going through rough times - God doesn't leave us alone. He doesn't CAUSE others to be going through things with us but I have found in life he draws us to people who need us and when we need them.

When my son was going through Leukemia - I was blessed sadly - with a family to go through it with me. We leaned on each other over the internet. Knowing I was not alone was bitter sweet.

Now with my divorce and challenges of rebuilding my life - God has brought so many woman into my life. It seems like a lot of times they are drawing from my experiences. Asking me for advice. But I have been there. I know the drill. And when I need them to listen - they are there too. Leaning on each other daily - almost hourly. So many women. So sad. But there is strength that we have had together. I am thankful that God draws us to those who understand. 


I am excited about what the new year will bring. Changes have started in my life recently and I am looking forward to seeing what God is about to do. Some have been long awaited. While others I want to put my feet down and stop from coming. But no matter what I know the God has His best in store for me and my kidlets. So I am going to let go and let Him.

Thank you to everyone for being on this journey with me and having a part in my life.
Merry Christmas!

Hells Hollow, Facebook and FINISHED with School this year!!!

First things first - Just in case any of you see my picture on facebook - I did start an account for my field trip coordinator information. This is a very limited account as you all know how iffy I am on the facebook ordeal after last year. So please don't friend request me as I am not opening it up to be like normal. I am using it to post updates in a closed group for our co-op. I do not want it to get back to the way it was and my guard to be let down again. It is just better this way. So thank you for respecting that decision. I may be seen "liking" or commenting on a picture here or there because when I do log in - it is IMPOSSIBLE not to see a few things and hit that ever so tempting like button.

Now... back to regular blogging as normal.

We are done!!!! Another homeschool year in the books. Evaluations were today. Ok ok so I technically have 5 or so days to finish up but with as long as we have to do so... it is going to be "mom I am bored" ok do an Explode the Code page etc type deal. Nothing structured. The Evaluations went very well and portfolios are ready to be turned into the schools when I get around to it.

Done... and then time for My school! Summer session starts Sunday. I am so nervous so please keep me in your prayers. Not nervous about the work... but nervous of figuring out how the online classes actually go! I am sweating that big time! What if my computer is screwed up, what if I don't understand... what if ahhhhhhhhh. Ok... breathe. Sunday. Prayers. Thanks.

Took the kidlets to Hell's hollow at McConnells Mill on Sunday. Super awesome! We left at 10 am and didnt get home till 4ish. I took a picnic in the cooler. We had a blast! Thank God I remembered to pack extra clothes and shoes. Ok so we took along our rain boots and just put back on our normal ones. We were crick stomping fools!

The kids were so excited at the water snakes and grinnies we saw. Too funny. they climbed every fallen tree, walked acrossed some making my heart stop. And my arms were sore! It is fun to crick stomp but I had to hold up and steady Mr. Wyatt the whole time. And he was not missing a beat of being in there with the kids. I lost a pound! ha ha

here are some pics.

Night all - Babysitting early tomorrow. Gotta go to sleep so I don't scare Dan to death looking like - well me in the morning - when he comes to drop Abby off. lol I shall at least attempt to look presentable. Unlike my regular morning sitting - I just roll outta bed and open the door glasses and all. Poor Ashton. No wonder he hates getting up for school. ha ha.

New Baby!!!! Anna Alysha is here ... and lesson learned....

So today my bestie Jennifer and her husband Shawn welcomed a new addition to Marxville. Man alive was her hospital room full of people. And KarKar couldn't wait to see what it was like and decided to check herself into the birthing suites too. But her little Connor had to stay put a while longer with a shot to slow her labor down. But Anna Alysha is here!

 Hmmmm. What?? Assmerelda...?? ha ha the story with that goes - Everyone had an opinion on Whether they liked Anna Alysha or Alysha Anna better and if any of you frequent Marxville you will know that opinions are not just given - they are demanded. With love right? That's what it is... anyways. Jenny got fed up last night and told her mother screw it all I am gonna name this kid after dad and you. Assmerelda Ester calling her A$$ for Short for Dad and Ester after Mom (it's Sharon's middle name) So when Jenn told the nurse that story she lovingly made up the name for the bassinette. Assmerelda!

It's even more funny to me because up until the day my little niece was born my Xbil and sister in law smart enough not to be - kept the name secret and She actually was named Esmerelda. Shocked us all but fits her and is pretty today.

Anyways... here I am with my little Anna...

And in other news... today I took a rest on the couch for an hour while the kids played legos. I was reading a book and Wyatt was playing my iphone. Wasn't paying attention and the little stinker erased half the stuff off my phone!!!!! I am sooooo sad to say my 63 floor tower on Dream Heights, my level 20 tree on Dream PetHouse and my new Zoo on Dream Zoo that was REALLY making me happy.... are no more. :( :( :( What a sad sad day for me and my iphone.

I also thought I had lost my running apps but thankfully he just moved those into another folder.

Oh a good note he taught me to make new folders in my pictures! Never knew how to do that but now I do! Got one labeled TY Whatever that means... ha ha. I did figure out how to change the name of the folder too. So I did learn a few things. How to make picture folders and to not doze off when Wyatt is playing my iphone.

Later Taters! Nighty Night!

****Editing to update*****
 Guess Wyatt is teaching me many new things. Ha! I figured out that since I synced my phone to itunes yesterday - my apps were there. And I was able to transfer the lost ones back with minimal data lost! Go me! Guess I should thank Wyatt for all this new knowledge about my phone I am getting... ha!

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY Pictures Galore!

So for Mother's Day this year we got mom this Picture Album that stands like a plaque. It is nice I think (Well I should since I picked it as a gift right? lol) But it holds pictures so here are the pictures we took/got to put in it. (I also sewed her a new bag holder for walmart sacks - the one she had I  made her when I was 17... it was well time for a new one!)

Here is my beautiful niece Adelyn Grace...

 A Family Picture of my big brother Josh, his wife Christy and my nephew Nathan.

 My 3 kidlets

 My little brother Chris, his wife Lauren and Adelyn

 My kidlets and me. It was kinda funny. It was raining when I took these. I had my tripod in the field by my house and we kept hitting the timer, running into place and then saying go! And running to look at our shots. I think we had more fun than ever taking pictures. We were laughing and getting wet - looking like goofballs for the neighbors to watch but it don't matter. It was fun!

 My kidlets and I again.

 Big brother Josh and Christy and Nathan

 Then today for Mother's Day after I got the kids back from Justin we went to my mom's house and they got to meet Maggie. They were surprised to find her there because I did not tell them my parents got a puppy. Of course they adored her!

 And Here is Grandma with her babies on Mother's Day.

 Puppies and Babies - my kids love to  hold them. Tristan especially is a tender hearted soul for babies and puppies. He so loves them!

 Me, Myself and I. Tamara put a few more highlights in the hair yesterday from when she did it last week.

 And Mr. Wyatt and Me. His little mouth is still sore and I am not sure he is 100% himself yet... but on the mend.

Happy Mother's Day to all my wonderful friends!!!

And super excited - tomorrow morning my bestie Jennifer is being induced. 5am. Prayers!!!! Can't wait to meet the newest little Bowser tomorrow!! Night All!

What's happening :) Dogs, Babies and Trails

What a week. Found out Mr. Wyatt's Fever was NOT from an ear infection  (MedExpress said it was but Dr. Trotta said nope) it was from where he punctured the back of his mouth at his dad's two weeks ago! It got INFECTED! Big sore all white. Antibiotic took the white away and now it is a gaping hole. GROSS. Poor little dude fevered all week and ate nothing! He was starving but flipped out anytime food touched it. It was pitiful! And hard on the rest of us. Miserable little dude.

Playing a new game on my phone. :) Dream Zoo. Lets you take pics of the animals and Wyatt had to take one on the doctors table. I know we are geeks. Then Tristan put a Rhino with us and laughed cause his "Butt" was in my face. OH THE JOYS OF LITTLE BOY HUMOR!

 Poor Mr. Wyatt was so wiped out this entire week. Up restless all night and then zonking out at the table!! Mid Peanutbutter and Jelly sandwich!

Went to the trails twice this week and going again tomorrow. I think my neighbor Adrian is going with me tomorrow. She has been asking to go and usually I go spur of the moment but I know being kidless this weekend that I will be there so I let her know.
The trail is BEAUTIFUL right now. Butterflies are crazy again. They fly right into you and you see a gazillion of them!

Time is ticking for my best friend Jenn... Monday is d-day. Her 4th little Bowser is going to join the world Monday. I can't convince her to break her A Name trend and go with Linda or Palma... They both END in A... The kid would be blessed to bear my names. :) But alas she thinks shes gotta stick with the theme. :::eyeroll::: Oh well  So Can't wait for that. Prayers for a great delivery on Monday!!

And with other new arrival news - My parents found their puppy! The right fit for them. A Cavapoo. It is a mix between a King Charles Cavalier and a Miniature Poodle. This is little Maggie.

 This dog is gonna be squished! It is attached to feet. It loves to just settle wherever you stop. If you move it will go on to someone else but it wants to settle right underfoot.

My kidlets don't know they got it yet. They are at their dads but Sunday we will be going to Grandma and Grandpas house for Mothers Day and boy will they be surprised! LOVE IT! Makes me want one... ALMOST. Then I think of all the work my 3 are and think - YAWN... nope. I am good. Night guys hope she sleeps for you! :)

I am sure I will feel that way on Monday too. A little yearning and missing so much.... (when Jenn has her baby) But I won't mind going home and going to sleep. ha ha ha. Night all!

Ear Infection and Highlights

So yesterday the kidlets went with their dad to their cousins birthday party. Wyatt came home all cranky having fallen off a swing. He wanted to go to bed. Last night he was up all night with a fever that tylenol was not even touching. Poor little baby. We missed church this morning and I took him to the MedExpress. Came home with antibiotics for an Ear Infection. Poor Baby.

My friend Tamara came over and highlighted my hair for me. Didn't get enough though, need more in the back. So we will be doing it again but I like it.

Ready for Summer! The Pool can open any time now! I also finally got my AC turned on. I am not using it except if it is storming and I want the windows closed... but not having the option to use it at all was killing me! There was a valve that needed turned on and the new maintenance guy just kept saying  "shouldn't be" and "I'll get over later to check it out" Two months later I finally had my friend just come do it for me. Took him all of 5 seconds! THANK YOU BIG TIME to him. Cause I told the new guy I had him do it and his answer  was "oh I kept thinking about you and I knew I needed to get over..." Yeah... Thankfully I have good friends.

Got my email for online classes to start. The intro class is May 9th. Classes start the 20th. Ready set go!

Still plugging away on my guitar. Back to practice now. Later!

Tristan's Clinic Day and rambles.

Friday was Clinic Day down at the Hemo/Oncology Clinic at Children's Hospital. It was a longer day for Tristan and me because we also had an Echo Cardiogram scheduled to check out his irregular heartbeat.
(I want to write Murmer but just cannot figure out how that is spelled!)

I love that little boy so much. We got to see Whitney the Nurse Practitioner and she had done a Fundrazor for Cancer. I could NEVER pull of a shaved head and look so beautiful! But she does it awesome!

Tristan's counts were good. Everything looking exactly as they want to see em. Praise you Jesus!!!

And we should get the results of his Echo later I guess.

The kidlets are at their dad's for the weekend now. Chugging along.

I signed up for my fall classes at BC3. It was hard cause I wanted to sign up for fall after I started my summer load to see how I did with 6 credits. But since you have to sign up now I have no clue... so I just did another 6 credit load in the fall. Guess I will add another class in January if I think that is good.

It is kinda exciting to see more classes checked off my list. (even more exciting at they get finished!)

I also FINALLY got my name change papers! The lawyer said one week... 4 weeks later I got tired of watching the mail (I know mom said I should got tired sooner...) and called him. Guess what! It has been done and he accidentally filed it instead of mailing it to me! What a mess! So I have been in limbo with financial aid, college, car registrations etc not knowing what name to use. Not wanting to file things and then change a week later... sigh...

But that is moving along now.

Went to Marxville last night. Took my mom :-) Played cards. lol That was fun. I made mom go to the rails to trails with me first. She liked it half way... the way back is a gradual up hill.. she was not liking it then. she did 3.25 miles. Good job mom!!!

Alrighty then. those are my updates!

Ramblings about never buying a Mercury Monterrey Van

I would just like to say - if anyone is thinking of buying a Mercury Monterrey Van... dont do it!!!!!! Curse Justin for getting me this stupid thing! But so THANKFUL for my awesome friends Rich and Joey for working with me! It is so nice to know mechanics for friends but when your car is a piece of crap it doesn't help much! NOTHING can go easy for me with it. I am so buying Honda next so I can just drive it in to Joeys work and have it out of there in an hour! Honda North baby! :)

But so thankful for all the crap Rich and Joey and whomever else gets their help on the car by the time it is done with. Shawn you up for helping tomorrow???

It needs this special tool, so we buy the special tool to get the parts off and now this part went bad and it needs this and that. URGH! ha ha ha. But PRAISING God for the guys and for Jenny and the girls who hang out with me and the crazy kidlets while the work is being done. (the true work is making the food and caring for the kids - and SOMEONE needs to play and keep the moves up to date on Draw Something! Right???)

So the checklist of things needing fixed on my van is going slower than expected. But that is ok. Chugging along I guess. At least I get to hang with Marxville instead of a stinky garage though :) See Bright sides to everything.

So I am carless tonight. Had to have a part ordered and dad picked me up. I guess that means I can pretend I am not home and everyone will leave us alone tomorrow right? ha ha. I am sure the kids will still come knocking. I love living in a place with lots of kids actually. Well except for poor Wyatt. Living here is not fun for him. He can't run with the big kids because of the parking lot. But at Marxville he rules the yard! Oh the stories I could tell about him and his girlies but those are not PG so we will leave em off my family oriented blog! But after a night of running wild he zonked out! Never woke up from the moment we left their driveway. That is unheard of for Wyatt. I already warned Alyssa if he stirs at ALL to call me! Or she might end up with him wet! Eeks! We are on top of it tonight though.

Alrighty then.... Here are a few cute pics. Took the kids to the bike trail today and actually didn't get a picture! What is wrong with me! It was so fun, bike trail and then Burger Hut 2!

Here is Aubree and little Artie the 4th... 

 The kids and I painted rocks the other day for my edge of the landscaping.

 We also spent a day this week at Moraine. I LOVE IT THERE before all the Public school kids are set loose! Thank GOD for homeschooling!!! Oh and if you see this pic large - Wyatt is in it. He is peeking out between the baseballs.

 Wyatt loves to blow "wishes"

Marxville today.

About 13-14 years ago I would say - I helped my best friends Jenn and Shawn move outta their bedroom into their trailer. It was great times and exciting! Now is the start of a new move for them. Building their own house behind their trailer. Today Shawn was clearing Trees at Marxville and he let the kids help. We liked yelling TIMBER and watching Shawn pull them down. It was kinda humorous that we had a row of chairs watching him do the work. The smell of the burning fire kinda made me reminded of leaf burning days in the fall and got me excited for bonfires in the summer.

I love Marxville. I am exited to see the changes that are long over due for them. Happy for Artie and Aubs to be taking the move from the "bedroom" into the trailer that Jenny and Shawn made. I suddenly feel the urge to break out in "The circle of Life!" and hold up a lion cub. hmmm. Well pretty soon we can be holding up a new little Bowser. Jenny is 36 weeks now. Time is ticking! Induction day scheduled but if she wants to come sooner any day will work now :)

Here is Shawn and Tristan. :-) It was nice cause Shawn was having the kids help with the fire and things too. I really appreciate how Shawn coaches baseball then comes home and gets the boys chopping wood and helping with the fire. Sometimes we want to ship him away but some days like today we will keep him.

 And here is my tough guy Mr. Wyatt. Grrrr Don't you just feel the strength!

It was a really nice day today. Jenn and Shawn's son Alex, and LeAnn and Dan's daughter Abby made first communions so we had a luncheon at Highland Golf Course first. It was nice being with all my Marxville friends. Jenny and Shawn, LeAnn and Dan, Mike and Kelly, Karlee and Joey, Rich, Aubree and Artie, Big Art and Sharon, Kathy, Helen and Sarah, Greggie, Ross and Jess, Deb, etc etc. I love how well the kid play together - today was an exceptional day with no mishaps! Wyatt and his girls Addy and Lexi, Alyssa playing with Abby, Tristan and his buddies Alex and Andy.

And even more success - we came home - got baths and showers and left ALL ticks where they belong - not with us! This is a big thing for the Irwin kids! Cause they love to try to make them pets!

New week coming up. Rich is gonna put new brakes and rotors on my van. Checking off the list the things that I need to get done. Tristan has Clinic and his EKG friday. Prayers always appreciated!

Just what I needed

What a completely beautiful day full of amazing friends and everything I love :-)

Today I expected to be completely different than it was. But sometimes things get in the way of my schedule or plans and it is there God is molding me.

Today was the last day for our spring co-op. I will love and miss all the families not joining us next year. Excited to meet the new friends.
I am also taking over for Brianna as field trip coordinator. Anyone with awesome places to go - email me!

After the end of co-op party , Dropped the kidlets off  at their dads.

My night was planned one way- but I had things changed on me. I probably should say thanks cause I had a great evening despite.

I have a paper above my light switch in my bedroom that says - the tempo of a God breathed life. (Rom 8:28) Reminding me that when things don't go as planned - He has my best interest at hand. This is a hard concept for a planner, scheduler type person I am. Unexpected changes do not work well with me. Thus why I need the reminder everyday.

So I started my night with a little pampering. Tanning :-) then hit the trails. Oh my was it good to be back out there! To run in the fresh air just makes me feel so happy to be out of the gym! No offense YMCA but you can't beat the feeling of enjoying God's Creation!

People try to fill their time with things, activities, stuff. Searching for something to fulfill their need to like who they are. Figure out something to make them feel happy.

I have truly found for me - that  being  here alone with my iPod, (and Pepper Spray for Mrs. Rowe and mom) and God's beautiful nature brings such peace. What a great time getting healthy and knocking at His door for some daddy daughter talks.

I ended my night surrounded with amazing friends. I don't need more stuff, money, activities to fill my life. I am completely blessed to be able to call my true friends up- tell them- "I need you guys tonight" and to be accepted as I am.  For all my flaws, through all the crazy times. Even when I set the two preggo girls 9 clubs hand - ha ha sorry! Sharon and I were on a Roll tonight! Karlee and Jenny didn't stand a chance. This is truly strange... But I will take it!

I might not always have it all together but that's ok. I have so much to be thankful for.